i'm warning you now im mad so deal with it

I'm starting to get really sick of Rich Central. I was sick of it before but soccer urks me sometimes. We're so great, we're on a losing streak. heh, yeah. i do care though because it's important to me. It's not the fact that we keep losing that bothers me so much (although it's up there too) it's the fact that besides Julie and Marylin barely anyone freakin tries, and that pisses me off. I know i'm not the best out there but when i do play it helps me get better, and i try with everything to do as best as possible, ESPECIALLY in confrence games and schools we need to beat, like South, East and Crete. When it comes to sports i'm really competitive and i like to win (i'm not one of those cheater types though, if you dont play fair its not even worth it). I'm really surprised, honestly, cuz last year crete had an awesome soccer team but they weren't that good besides meghan (sp?), which really doesn't make sense cuz she's the one with messed up knees and braces on both of them and she's still the quickest one, and that's awesome- for crete anyway. The game wasn't that bad, i mean it was 1-1 until the last 5 minutes or so.. but still. The reason no one gets anywhere is because they dont try hard enough. If you're scared of the ball then don't play. My issue used to be getting in and taking it away but i'm not afraid to get hit anymore. So what if i get hurt, i mean it'd be hard to get hurt that bad just taking the ball away and at least if i did it'd be a hurt doing something i enjoy. Kind of a 'whats the worst that could happen' kinda thing. I have to admit our team is getting better it could have been another tinley game but they're starting to work together more. Still, i feel like there is no excuse for our team right now, WE could do a lot better.

on a different note, i'm really sick of seeing people i love get hurt. I hate it. I dont like to hate anything but jeez. It always seems to be people who need pain the least in their lives that get it loaded on top of them. I don't mean emotional pain, i mean literally people getting hurt. Emotional pain is just as bad or worse though, just because you cant see it doesn't mean anything. I love my friends with all my hurt and it just kills me to see that. Sometimes it's out of your control and in God's hands and i understand that, but that doesn't make it ok. I remember Josh saying numerous times that it makes him really mad to see stuff like that, especially when he can't do anything. It's like that. I'm mad thats the way it is but I dont blame it on God or anything.

in all i'm just confused with so much stuff right now. I was told i just need 'more time to think about it, and figure it out' but it's not about time. If i confuse anyone else, sorry, deal with it. I'm working on figuring everything out. And it's not a bad thing, i just get frustrated at times. It'll all work out sooner or later, it has to. wow this is long, im out.