This has by far been the craziest semester of my entire life. I had 19 hours but I also had the internship class which is a 3 credit hour work load by itself... not a horrible choice, but more hectic than I thought merely because of Preparation for Cross-Cultural Ministry. Rob loves to freak us out and think of any and every way to destroy us and rip apart our project... multiple times, even (esp.) when you do what he asks... BUT. It's still been manageable. Praise God for a good SFG with people who deeply & genuinely love each other, who take time to be friends, to pray for each other and invest in each others' lives outside of meetings. SFG has gotten me through this semester. Having a "real" adult mentor as a leader.... def. the way to go. Life has been something ridiculous. It's been an interesting experience with my sister and her cancer. She won't talk about anything, I mean anything, ever. Not how her day is going, how her relationship with God is, if/when she has appointments or even if it's gone after her surgery. Her response to everything is "none of your business". So, it is frustrating not knowing how to pray but praise God for the Spirit who knows us even when we don't even have words. My sister: I wish we were closer, with all my heart, but she won't let it happen (or so it seems). I'll never give up on her and there is nothing she can do to make me love her less. I will remain faithful in praying for her and doing what I can to be a good sister in anyway... even though I'm sure I fail a lot. December marks 11 months since I really talked to my dad. When I left in January I made a choice that things could not be the same for safety reasons.. and even for healing, it's hard not to talk to him. Even after all he's done, I wish that I could go back to him. I never understood why people want to keep on being involved with people who continually and DEEPLY hurt them- but my heart is forgiving and loving regardless and it has never stopped getting me in trouble. The other thing is that he is my biological father, he is all alone, his entire family left him, and even if they had legitimate reasons and he dug his own grave... I still feel bad for people who are all alone. He lost his house, I'm not sure where he will go... but it's over now. I might not even see him ever again. That's a hard thing to know how to pray for. And I'm not sure how or why... but some of those things have been making me miss Shauna a lot. I don't let it get to me, I can't let it get to me. But I still miss her more than I thought I would after two and a half years. God, has it really been that long? I understand her so much more now than I EVER did then. I wish I did then.