The word of the day is restoration

It’s amazing what God can do. Period.

I’ve come to realize that even the ones who seem the strongest often wish they could understand things in a different way and are curious what they would do in someone else’s shoes. It’s a blessing to know that. It’s encouraging that sometimes when you're lost, others aren’t standing there giving you the easy answer, but instead willingly admit they also have no idea. And that is where God comes in. I’m confident that I don’t always have to have the answers, but I can wait upon the Lord for guidance and if I really let Him lead me, I will not be led astray. It’s great that God brings others into my life who can help me understand things, but I’m not stuck on finding someone to lead me or leading someone else—not that I think leadership is bad or wrong in any sense, but hear me out— in the bigger picture I’d rather we follow Him together.

So restoration… this is about to get personal. Kind of.
I grew up with violence all around me.

When I was 10 my best friend stabbed me in the shoulder, literally.
In 7th grade a girl stabbed me in the head with a gel pen.
At a park with friends one night a kid put a gun held to my head.
That same year during a fight a girl tried to put another girl’s head through a glass trophy case and pull it back out so it would cut her and kill her- her words, not mine. That was Huth.

A few years later someone I love was repeatedly abused physically and sexually by a guy who spent a lot of time in my house—my brother’s friend— and I was supposed to treat him with respect? One friend left feeling worthless, and this guy coming over and treating me like a piece of meat. My brother let it happen and I didn’t know how to get him to leave me alone. He never actually succeeded in doing anything to me, but mentally he scared me and made me uncomfortable for years. I can’t imagine how my friend felt. At home I learned by demonstration that men can hurt women and we can’t really do anything about it. By the way, cops don’t always believe you.

All around me people hit people or hurt them and treated them like crap as punishment, as if it was deserved, as if they were worthless. It was everywhere, and it was all I knew.
And then I had a friend who was brutally murdered.

P.S. I HATE violence. Verbally, physically, and mentally, even if it’s “playing”. And it’s been really hard not to hate people who inflict pain on others on purpose, especially when you see its full blown effects. But it’s not the people I hate. It’s the violence.
And I really don’t like it when people get loud and rowdy; not excited, but rowdy. I really don’t like it when people put their hands on me for a lot of previously mentioned reasons. Sometimes it makes me shut down. I don’t really like “hate”, either… just for the record.

All of these things having to do with violence had a lot to do with who I was when I came to college. That’s honestly all I knew, all I had been surrounded with, and that’s what I was used to. So, I looked at situations differently than others around me. I wasn’t a fan of put downs or crude/sexual jokes which surprisingly enough were all over Lincoln’s campus. So that made me “weak,” apparently. I think it’s just that I was living for something else, trying to live in love because that’s what we’re called to even if that’s not what we’re always surrounded by. But none of those people are bad people… we just didn’t see things the same way. And it wasn’t until I left Lincoln that I really felt like I was able to change, or to be changed. Finally able to expect something better in people. Finally reassured that genuinely gentle people actually exist.

First of all, it’s never anyone else’s fault how we end up. I can’t put blame on someone else for making me turn out a certain way. They might play a part, but I have the ability to choose how I go on living my life. Praise God for that realization. Second, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger... literally.

It’s incredible what God can do in you when you are surrounded by people who live in love all the time—even just a few of them. It’s even more incredible what God can do with your wounds, things that you feel like have shaped you in a negative way, and use them to do awesome, positive things with your heart and character. Pain can be changed to passion. He can fill you. He can grow you. He can heal you. He can make you strong when you used to feel weak. He can give you hope when you used to live in hopelessness. He can show you how to live the difference. He can be the light when all you see is darkness. He can stop your fear of being receptive. He can be your reason to live and move and breathe. He can give you fullness of life, let you truly feel alive. He can feed you and make you hungry for more. He can shut the door to your past. He can show you what love is. He can show you intimacy with Him. He can make you new. He can restore you.

And He does. That is just a taste.

Even over the past four weeks I think He has completely changed my outlook on life, view of myself, and that of others. I’m in love with Him and what He is doing in me. I’ve never more strongly desired to live for something in my life.