Break my heart for what breaks yours... (The LONG Overview)

ROMANIA!!
On May 15th I left Eastview Christian Church in Normal, Illinois alongside many of (125 others (there were 4 flights total). With a HUGE team, we knew long ago that God was going to do marvelous things in Romania. Brandon Grant, our awesome leader and youth pastor, calulated that through the church meetings, support letters and so on over 16,000 people were praying for us! WOW. Later on you will see the power of prayer.

We stayed in a church called Centrul Crestin Salem in Oradea, Romania. It was way better than most of us expected, because we had beds and rooms with showers. That was where we slept. During the day our teams traveled to the Roma Village of Tinca to work with Gypsies (it is offensive to call them this, so I will be referring to them as the Roma from here on out). Our teams did a variety of different projects including: Painting, building a playground and a fence, and sorting clothes- all at the Isaiah Center (the orphanage/children's home in Tinca), building a house, building 21 outhouses, building a roof, leading Vacation Bible School, Sports camp and more in the Tinca village. Personally, I worked with VBS all but one day (Monday-Friday), when i painted at the center. We did a variety of activities with the children. There were beach balls and frisbees, there was coloring and laughter, holding hands and running and dancing. These children absolutely loved the Chicken Dance, The Macarana, Who Let the Dogs Out and One Day! They listened to those songs over and over and never got enough. It was such a humbling experience to dance and praise God with those children! To see the light and joy still shining in the eyes of these children and these people who have been SO abused, outcast, neglected and hurt for SUCH a long time really breaks you. It really made me think about where that joy in my life had gone. It really gets you thinking and understanding that hope can still be the light when all you see is darkness. It shows you that Jesus is that light, and he penetrates all that IS the darkness. I have seen God move in this place so strongly I can hardly believe my own eyes, but I promise all I speak is truth. I have witnessed these things.

First off, the very first day in the village we were picking up trash in acres of field so the Roma would have a better place to live. My friend Randy had really hurt his ankle a short time ago, sometime with the bone or something of the sort, and he was in a lot of pain. Some of our team members gathered around him and prayed healing over him and touched him, and his ankle was fine the rest of the week. It went from serious pain to nothing at all, just like that. It can only be God.

It couldn't have been later than Tuesday in the village, we were playing with a beach ball in a circle of young children. One of the little girls, and gosh she was beautiful, did not seem to respond to any thing we said or did to her. I grabbed a translator and one of my little friends told me she was deaf.. she hadn't been able to hear or speak for a long time. So she was deaf and mute, from a very serious on going ear infection. Later that day one of my friends was holding her in her arms, just hugging and praying over her. A circle of Roma children gathered, as well as a few from our team, and wanted to pray for her. The translator asked them "Do you believe that Jesus can do miracles? Do you believe that he has the power to heal children like this?" and they said "DA! DA!" (Yes, yes!). So they gathered and we put our hands on her. I held my hands on her ears and prayed and prayed that God would show his glory in this place, that he would come down and work through us not only to heal and help this poor child but to do a miracle in the presence of so many children that they may come to know Him and His power. I prayed that He would work in the life of this child that her story could be a testimony, that she may witness and bring light to those around her. and hope. I prayed that his glorious works would bring the Roma people, so lost and outcast, to believe in Him. And I prayed and prayed that He would work his magic because I had no doubt in my mind that He had the power to do ANYTHING. When we finished praying, we snapped our fingers and whispered and such-- no repsonse. The Bible says that having a childlike faith is the key, and we need to be more like THIS child-- the one who said "PRAY AGAIN!" and was not willing to stop until he saw God work in her. So again we prayed.. and prayed and prayed hard. I prayed all my will and held the ears of that child and prayed love and hope over her.. and I Knew God would work. when we stopped, someone yelled to her and to our amazement, she turned around and looked at them! She could hear all of us when we spoke to her! Someone came up and called to her, and she answered back in Roma and ran away. Her ears and started draining when we were praying too.. not only did God heal the deaf but also the mute. What a two-for-one! HOW AMAZING!!! I have never witnessed a miracle but I was there.. and it happened. He healed this child. I am so blessed to be able to touch her along with the others and pray over her... and that moved me the most.

We played with children in the village all throughout the week. I adored singing and praising God with them, even though they didn't speak english. They still raised their hands to the sky, jumping up and down and singing- praising God with what they knew. I have never praised God so hard in my life with that kind of joy, happiness, excitement and thankfulness. And every time I hear one of those songs I will see their smiles and their faces. Every time.. I miss them.

On Friday night instead of going back to Oradea, we stayed in Tinca and showed them the Jesus Film. It's a universal film in soooo many different langauges. So, in a back yard we gathered together, hundreds of our precious children and their parents and grandparents and friends, and watched this film in Romanian. They watched as Jesus did miracles like they'd seen this week. They watched and he followed God even in the end when it was troubling. They watched as he was beaten and nailed to the cross because he loves them.. and they got it. There were 21 lives commited to Jesus that night, and 21 lives that will be forever changed. How glorious God is! To see those people humbled, bowed face down before him and weeping.. and understanding the love they never received anywhere else.. to see that they KNEW and accepted the long lost hope was amazing. I cannot put it into words. I am so moved.

While God has done so much in that place, and we had to leave on May 24th to depart back to Budapest and then to the states, I am SO sure that He has not left the village of Tinca. I have utmost faith that God is going to continue to move and work in that place, fixing broken lives, healing broken hearts and bringing the lost and lonely back to Him. They have finally found the food that will nurish them for a long time. They finally found the love that has been so long lost. They finally found a reason. And that reason is not going to leave them-- no He is going to stay there, remaining with them right by their sides and in their hearts until the end. And it's not over.

The more I look back and think about all the wonderful things God has done, the more I realize.. He has done soooooo many incredible things. I mean absolutely incredible. The types of things you might really think impossible but God can do it because He is so much bigger, so much more capable than we are able to comprehend.

Upon leaving, I did not cry and I couldn't figure out why since most all 125 of my team members were. I just could not process what had happened- all that I'd seen and come to know--until today when I was traveling back home. I was sitting in the car listening to "Came to the Rescue" by Hillsong. The Lyrics go like this:

Falling on my knees in worship giving all I am to seek your face Lord, all I am is yours

My whole life I place in your hands God of mercy humble I bow down In your presence at your throne

I called, you answered and you came to my rescue and I wanna be where you are

In my life, be lifted high In our world, be lifted high In our love, be lifted high
_______

I'm not sure why, but this song broke me. It brought me to my backseat where all my dorm room was sitting- to the realization that I probably owned more things just in one room than 5+ families in Tinca all together. It made me realize that the worship I was taking a part in way so whole hearted because of the joy I felt from God in reaching those people... I called to him for a reason, a way. He put the Romania trip in front of me so heck yes I did it. He answered and gave me a reason and a way to live, to move and breathe. He gave me my heart's desire.. to love and be loved. I asked and begged to be where he was.. and he was in the village. I gave up my life to follow Jesus and I didn't care what that meant. I still don't care. I will lay down my life to reach those who are lost and broken.. those who need Jesus more than ever! Like Jesus said, it isn't the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. It is not those who are alright and have it easy-going that need him- it is those like the Roma people. So while I drove home today I cried.. I cried that I had a car, food, clothing, a family and love all around me and I could still be discontent while they had NOTHING, NOTHING!! and still had such joy. I cried thinking some of those precious babies that I fell in love with might be abused tonight. I cried that they might think we left them Just like everyone else but at least they know that God will remain with them and He doesn't have to "come back" to the States with us.I cried because my body is here but my heart is still there. Because I did fall in love with Sandra, Tabitha, Choo Choo, Maria, Samuel, Abel, Florica, Ella, Naomi, Bobby, Ana etc etc and I could not take them back with me! I cried that Rachel Ross who runs Forget Me Not ministries is still over there working and I'm over here. I want to be there. I want to be with those children and hold them tight and sing to them and pour my heart and soul into them because that is what Jesus would do. I want to get dirty playing with them because they are filthy. I want to hug them and hold them close to me, under my chin and not care if they have lice or any other skin of disease because God is going to take care of me and it doesn't matter (by the way, all the hugging and holding.. i never got lice! and neither did ANYONE on my team)! I want to play with them and dance and shout to God and smile and cry because He is moving there. I want them to know, eternally, how loved they are and how much they matter. I hope they can see how in love we were with them so long before we even got there.. to see the faces of the children I fell in love with through prayed moved me!! They were so excited just to see an outhouse or a few bricks made out of dirt and straw! That's what they live in.. whatever they can find! I pray that all those I know can take a look around and even in what our country claims to be "poverty", feel more blessed than ever because they might realize the abundance of what is theirs. Really, I feel guilty having the internet, TV, an Ipod, a car, clean clothes and socks and shoes and underware and a bed with sheets and a house with air conditioning and a roof.. because they don't. And I know.. I am so blessed. God has moved in me, and in my team and in all those hundreds of Roma people. I pray that you can come to know we must NEVER underestimate the power of God. I witnessed an up close miracle, similar to those performed by Jesus in the New Testament. It is real, HE IS REAL!! There is no limit to what he can do. It is true we have reached a small portion of Romania.. but as a missions major it is my heart's desire to continue to reach out to every person I can. He called us to love, and love is just what this world needs. Love makes all the difference.

With 126 young adults and students in Romania, the worst that happened was 2 people got sick (one from Tinca food and the other from low immunity in general) and some bags were left on a bus. Praise God!! He took good care of us! And He DID move.. 11 members of our team got baptized in a Tinca river, and one awesome chick gave her life to Christ! I'll just throw in the offical stats from Brandon (some for fun):
- 11 people baptized from our team (Tiffany, Alisha, Caryn, Kyle, Melissa, Luke, Michelle, Beau, Seth, Jessie, Micah)
- 1 person accepted Christ from our team (Caryn)
- 1 person rededicated their life to Christ from our team (Rachael Abraham) and maybe even more that I'm not aware of!
- 21 Roma people accepted Christ as Savior after watching the Jesus film
- Hundreds and hundreds of Roma came to watch the Jesus film exposing them to the Gospel message of Christ
- 1 child was healed from being deaf and mute through prayer
- 1 team member had his foot healed from prayer (Randy)
- 52 extra bags of stuff were brought to donate to the Roma (clothes, soccer stuff, stuffed animals, blankets, toys, etc.)
- $225,000 was raised by the team meaning an extra $20,000 was given to Forget Me Not Ministries, which is equivalent to $40,000 in Romanian currency
- Hundreds of children attended VBS and Soccer Camp
- 21 outhouses were built
- 1 house was completely built
- 1 new roof was put on a home
- 1 new fence built at the Isaiah Center
- 4 new walls were mudded on the inside of a home
- 1 playground was built
- An entire orphanage (the Isaiah Center) was painted completely both on the exterior and interior
- 2 new gardens were planted
- 126 of us stormed onto a Budapest city tram and city bus!
- Mafia became the game of choice with nearly a hundred games of it being played
- Infinity is the closest number of times kids were thrown up in the air, as well as times we heard the Macarena, Who Let the Dogs Out and the Chicken Dance!!!

Please remember God is so much bigger than we are, and He is so capable of ANYTHING! He is good :)

...and I found Victory in Him

I wasn't going to put this in here but I feel like it's another important reason why God is so good.. and it's overcome- so here it goes...

I had no idea what to expect coming into Romania. There was a long time when I didn't even want to go on the trip but Sarah kept talking to me about putting my yes on the table (and now I am so glad I did). This school year was ridiculously hard, but it's over (PTL!). I had been battling depression, pretty hard, since my sophomore year of High School. This past semester especially I got really scared. I was afraid people would be able to look me in the eye and see what I was thinking or how I was hurting.. and know. What I was thinking was that I didn't want to do life anymore. It really terrified me to ever feel that way, and I always put it in the back of my mind because I knew better.. I knew God was on my side and He'd save me-and he always did. But the further on into the semester I got, the more I found myself thinking about it, and the more it scared me. I spent more time away from my friends because I didn't want them to ask me questions. I quit Pneuma because I knew my passion/joy was obvious to that family.. and they were going to wonder where it went. I even wondered.. and I was scared to death someone with discernment would identify my temptation so I wasn't going to have it. It was dumb to run when I'm sure they would only have wanted to help.. but that's what happened. I prayed about it a lot, but I don't think I ever gave it up fully. I tried to fight it myself but I wasn't strong enough. We, are never strong enough. I never realized how capable God is of victory over ANYTHING.. there came a point when I'd spend 2 or 3 hours thinking about what life would be like without me.. how it wouldn't matter or that I wouldn't be missed or just how things might be better if I wasn't around. I spent too many moments each day spacing out and thinking what I could or couldn't do. and there came a point in the beginning of May that scared me to death. I was hanging out with Sarah in her room that weekend because Michelle was gone but really I didn't trust myself to be alone. Just throwing this out here.. I'd never have the guts to do anything stupid to myself or hurt myself, and besides that I could never give up on God.. but the temptation was enough for me and there were points when I was really afraid I would- but yet I knew I wouldn't.. and I didn't know. I dunno if that makes sense but maybe it does to someone. I never told Sarah this until last week. She knew about this battle but I didn't tell her for months and months. And she's an amazing best friend by the way. I remember just telling myself to hang in there for another few minutes, then an hour, then a night.. and soon it was days and weeks. I remember thinking I don't know if I'll be around for Romania.. and I didn't care. And it was only 2 weeks away. That weekend was the all time low.. it's like God was telling me it has to get worse before it could get better, and I just have to endure it a little longer. It was as though He was saying Just hang on! Don't let go.. don't let go. I promise it's almost over. And I'm sitting thinking no, I really can't do this... I can't make it any longer I'm not strong enough.. I can't.. But I did. He helped me. So how does this relate to Romania...?

It was thursday night.. we were singing this song. Greater things are yet to come, greater things are still to be done in this city. And there is no one like our God (i think those were the words anyway). All of a sudden when I was singing.. I was filled with joy, passion and goodness unlike anything I've ever felt- ever. I was brought to tears but not like happy or sad tears, they were God in me tears. Really hot.. but good. and I thought of those precious girls I fell in love with- Tabitha and Sandra. And I thought of where God'd brought me and how he used me. And I felt suuuuuch a sense of purpose and reason (maybe more than I ever had). I just praised Him from somewhere deep in my heart with emotion stronger than I knew.. I can't explain it. It was the best feeling like in the world... ever. I really cannot describe in words how good it feels to have had that weight of dread, of fear, of worthlessness and ugly.. stupid unloved.. whatever.. on my shoulders for YEARS... and all of a sudden just have it lifted. I didn't realize for a few days.. but I knew I felt freakin awesome and asked what was different.. My body felt WAY better.. my spirit oh man.. strong and high and full of rejoice and awesomeness.. and I asked God what was different. This is what He told me (read it like it's God speaking):

"Thank you for holding on, I knew you could make it. It did have to get worse before it could get better. Remember when I told you "Just a little longer?" see? I meant it... it's over. Once you stopped trying to fight it on your own, I took over. Didn't you know I was strong enough? I love you.. and I never wanted to see you hurt like that. All those times you 'gave it up' it was never fully.. and I never liked watching you suffer but listen. Now you are stronger. Now you have joy beyond anything you've ever experienced. You have faith assurance that there is hope.. that there is light in the darkness. You know I am that light, and you know I can penetrate anything. You know there is always a reason and a way. You know your purpose, and you have a new defintion of love. I know you're wondering why you had to endure this.. think about your story. Think about how it might help someone else. You never thought you'd make it but here you are. You won't have to do this again.. it's over. You're ok, and I'm here with you, always. I love you.."

What a freakin' awesome God!!! I dunno how to explain but I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW it's over.. for good. I had this feeling all along .. i dunno that "hope in the darkness" that one day things would be better but I didn't want to believe it. Now I KNOW. I believe it, I am assured. Pretty much that night, that thursday and worship- most significant like ever to me.. That's the ONLY thing I needed.. the one thing I've craved and prayed for and hoped and desired and uh... God did it. It seemed impossible to me.. how silly.. and He kicked that crap out of satan and won. He is victory. I remember at fuel once, them going through the "I used to battle ____ but I fully surrendered it to Christ and I found victory in Him." RIGHT HERE! God is so big. Nothing is too big or too much or impossible for Him. NOTHING. I believe in healing, in forgiveness, in victory and strength and reason and purpose.. I believe in Him. I think anything can happen.. I've seen it. He's full of [awesome] surprises. I wish I could have told this story earlier. I was still afraid.. but God.. He is a sweet deal. I know my victory in Him should be shared.

*sigh* I pretty much feel (more than ever) thankful, hopeful, happy, joyous, full of praise, helpful, meaningful, loved, strong, needed, (that I have enough) worth, sense of reason and purpose, full OF LOVE.. and it's unending.. ready to be poured out.

I am so in love with God. I'm sitting here smiling and even laughing.. at life. I can't look back and understand how I've never felt this way before.. so good! I am praying that one day every person alive can see life in this way and understand.. it's all because of Jesus I'm alive.


and I am alive.

It's so good to be able to breathe again...


Romania update coming in the next few days.